Scream your heart out.

This is currently my favourite song. I've had it stuck in my head all week.

Ready.

I've been saying I'm going to pack for my holiday for about a week, only getting round to doing it yesterday.
And looking at the bulging suitcase and the other stuff I still needed to take, I was starting to think "There is never going to be enough room."
I hate packing.
Luckily it's all done now - Thank goodness! - apart from packing my laptop and camera.

Another thing. I have 3 cameras I use - a compact, an SLR (film camera) and a DSLR. I feel mean for having to choose between them for which ones I should take. I want to take all of them, but am doubting there's going to be enough room in my bag.
I'm really craving using film, so want to be able to take the SLR as well.
Never mind. I'm sure I'll come up with something.

Much too young.

It's so sad that some people are taken far too young.

Amy Winehouse, may you rest in peace.

It's a new day.

The sun is out this morning. My bedroom is a loft room, so I get a lot of light coming into my bedroom. Normally, I'd be a bit annoyed about being woken up by bright sunshine early in the morning, but after a week of cold and heavy rain, I couldn't careless about less sleep than usual.
Waking up to blue skies and warmth really puts me in a good mood for the day. I've said this before, but I think my mood really depends on the weather. I link feeling sad with rain or snow or coldness and link happiness with sunshine and warmth. I don't think I should - I need to learn to love all weathers, and not let it influence my mood. Otherwise I'd spend all of the winter being grumpy! (Which I don't, just to clarify!)

I spent a few hours with my boyfriend yesterday, after not seeing him for almost 2 weeks. It was just perfect. It felt like no time had past since I last saw him. The time not being with him is difficult, but as soon as I see him again - well, none of that mattered.
We're going on holiday soon, along with my family, so I'm excited about that. I'm especially excited about being able to spend time at the beach! There's so many times that I wish I lived near the coast. I love the feel of sand on your bare feet, or just letting the waves of the sea lap over you. Cannot wait!

I'm getting more and more excited about getting away for a while as I write this. I need to get my suitcase out and start packing, even if it's a while away. I like to be organised.
I write lists of what I need to take, otherwise I end up forgetting stuff. Usually, the thing I forget is my hairbrush. Clever.

This week, I'm going to work on rewriting my novel. I wrote a novel last November, and cause I'm not completely happy with it, I'm rewriting it.

Let the good times roll.

I told you to be patient.

I realised that waiting does pay off.
Now he's home and I'm happy. Unbelievably so.
Being patient has never been my strong point, but when you miss someone so much, it actually feels like it's tearing you apart, then being patient is the last thing you think about.

I need to learn the art of being patient.

This feeling, like a daredevil.

Have you ever wanted to do something completely reckless?
Like something inside you is just saying "Go on, be a rebel. Just this once."
This week has been one of those times for me.
I considered things that aren't realistic or like me at all.
Like buying a car.
Or getting a tattoo.
Or getting my ears pierced even more.
Or getting on the Eurostar to Paris just cause I want to be somewhere else.
I wouldn't actually do them, but something inside me is urging me to do something reckless.

Starting to feel better.

Yesterday can't really be described as a good day.
I was stressed all day, and scared that I was going to pass out or be sick. Not the best thing ever. I think I worry too much. Although that's probably an understatement.
I know that I worry far too much than is usually humanly possible. I'm joking.
But I spend far more time worrying about other people, not even worrying about myself.
Quite a lot of people tell me that I don't think about myself enough. I'm not claiming to be selfless. I can be as selfish as the next person.
But I feel good when I help someone else. When I pray for someone else. When I see someone else happy.
I'm a giver, not a receiver.
I enjoy other people's birthdays way more than my own.
I tend to spoil my boyfriend a little bit, just to see the smile on his face when he sees the new t-shirt/book/sweets/cake/anything I've bought for him :)

Not that this has anything to do with anything.
I am so tired this morning, so realise that I've just written a load of waffle. Waffling can be fun though. It gives me something to do as I try and wake up properly.
But on the subject of feeling better when I'm having a low - I've found that exercise makes me feel good. When I was at school, I hated P.E. I'm tall, so was roped into joining the school netball team. We were a strong team (and as I'm tall, my role as Goalkeeper was easy. Goalshooters were never quite so tall.) and ended up winning city and county competitions.
I never actually enjoyed running about though. It was something we were forced to do twice a week (as well as extra lunchtime and afterschool netball practice!) but when I got to college, and my friend decided to drag me along to her aerobics class with her - I realised how much I could enjoy exercise. It was a laugh dancing around the studio, singing along to songs that you had heard on the radio but didn't really know the words too. I played netball again. Goalkeeper as usual. The joys of being tall.
I've waffled again.
But yesterday, when I was feeling mega low, I went to my karate class and it just made me feel better. Maybe it's the fact that I saw my friends. Perhaps it's cause I punched the life out of a punch bag or kicked the pads really hard. Like I meant it. Maybe it's all of those things.
I don't know.
But anywhoo. I feel better today. I'm smiling.

My blog must be pretty boring. I need to stop going off on one :P

Feeling a little lost.

I don't want to shed any tears.
For some reason, shedding tears would make me feel weak.
But only today.
Any other day, I would feel fine.

I'll be fine. I just need to distract myself this week.
Find things to do until he's home.

I just feel so lonely.

Appreciated.

I led worship at my church, in two services today.
This involved standing at the front, with a mic right in front of my face, and praying, saying which song was next...
It was nerve-wracking.
It didn't help that I was ill either.
But actually, it went really well. I felt like I was doing something good.
That maybe I was even just putting a smile on someone's face.

Afterwards, loads of people came up to me and thanked me. Some said I'd done brilliantly.
They said I looked confident - but trust me, I didn't feel it at the time.

One lady came up to me and said that I was an amazing role model.
It's those few things that she said to me that have really stuck with me all of today.
They brought tears to my eyes, if I'm honest.

It's nice to feel appreciated.